Today you’ll find him in the hot tub, just like you would have found him there yesterday or the day before. Despite being over 90 hours removed from his last workday- the Resurrection PPV- he doesn’t look so good.

“It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. It hurts not to move. I’ve never been this sore in my entire career, including those tours back in the early days of LCW when we did over 20 shows a month. Nothing’s pulled, or sprained, or broken. Still, the damage I took is something that I’ll be feeling for another week, and I’ll carry it in my joints the rest of my life.

“Naturally, I couldn’t be happier.”

Herb lifts his arms and clasps them behind his head. We can clearly see the heavy bruising on his chest from where Duel chopped him repeatedly.

“I had perhaps the best match of my entire career, and arguably the most important. I fought Alex Lawson in the best straight wrestling match he’s ever had, and I won. Not only was I able to survive his punishment, I was also able to dish it out and make him tap. That match was on another plane from anything we’d ever done against each other, and in my mind it negates the wins he had over me in the past. Of course, knowing Alex he’ll never let me go on that; he’ll call for a rematch in order to soothe his bruised ego. I’m up for it, but for now that I’ve beaten the best Evo can throw at me I’d like to return my focus to Mercury.

“Now, when one considers the short list of names on the roster, how deep into the year we are, and what level talent I possess, you’d think that I’ve beat pretty much everybody there is to beat in 2002. The reality couldn’t be further from that. If you discount my win over a then-comedic Dirge, I’ve only beat four guys on the roster. There’s eight I haven’t. I’m not going to be on another show this month, leaving me with five months left in the year. There’s bound to be new guys entering… hell, two new pieces of meat debut next week.

“And despite those numbers, I plan on beating each and every man in Mercury in a singles match by the time the Silent Nightmare 2002 show fades out. No favorable stipulations, no cop-outs, no bulls**t. Nothing but top-notch competition from top-notch athletes. Each match will bring its own challenge, and I’m just as likely to fall short three or four times as I am to go unbeaten. Make no mistake; this just might be the single most difficult task I’ve ever set out upon in my career. That’s why it’ll seem that much more odd that I plan to ADD to that goal.”

Herb takes a second to let that sink in.

“I will regain the Mercury championship belt. I don’t care who I take it from, or when I do it, I will get that belt back. My first run at the top helped make this company as strong as it is today; my second run will take it to heights never seen before in the history of this company. You’ve all seen the matches I pulled out in non-title matches at the last two pay-per-views; imagine what it’ll be like when I’m one-on-one with the champ with the big gold belt on the line.”

Herb smirks.

“I smell money already. Not that I need it now that the Best of Harbinger 2 DVD is in its third week of nationwide release, ‘You Are Not Ready’ tees are getting their second redesign, and all without me becoming a whore to the media or the fans.

“Yup, you might say this is a high point for yours truly. Even though what I’m about to embark upon will take a toll on me from every aspect, the potential benefit of my having fought the entirety of Mercury is limitless. Not just for the company, which is already raking in money I’ve generated hand over fist. Not just for the guys I’m going against, who have a chance at career-defining performances just by keeping it close. For me to have myself tested against athletes from every conceivable background, body type and fighting style is a priceless learning opportunity. If you thought that my match with Duel was the best I could hope for, think again. If you thought you’d seen every last innovation I can come up with, think again.

“And sadly, if you even think you’re ready for me… you’re not. Don’t take my word for it, though. Take the word of the almighty Alex Lawson when you’re wondering exactly what Deadly Herb is all about.”

Herb, not exactly deadly at the moment, sinks completely into the tub. This would seem to be the end of the promo.

…

…

Yup, it is.