Local sports were largely set adrift by the WB/UPN merger, so Time Warner created a new channel exclusively for that purpose. Since there’s only so many times they can re-run minor-league hockey games, they needed filler. What’s more traditional filler for sports-related programming than pro-wrestling? Herb has gone to talk to them about possibly airing footage designed to push Mercury. Right now he’s in the parking lot before the meeting, enjoying the weather and shooting the breeze.

“I’m not entirely sure where I should start. Do I work from now and move towards the inevitable pay-per-view, or the other way around? I think I’ll take the latter.

“A point really needs to be made about the number one contender’s tournament. If I wanted to, if I really politicked and pulled strings, I could have gotten the tournament expanded to eight instead of four. Roderick Toombs, TR Saxton, Jake Stephens, and maybe Kaiser or some other loser brought back for nostalgia’s sake could have been thrown in, making it three rounds instead of two. Which would make it that much less likely that I’d be facing Gabrielle and his mouthpiece in my return title defense, if that was something I really cared about. Except that I don’t care.”

No emphasis, no dramatic facial expressions. He’s stating a fact.

“I don’t care who wins the tournament as long as he earns the wins and as long as it isn’t someone who lost in the deathmatch bracket. It’s just that simple. Whether it would be getting a chance to shut Messiah’s camp up, or seeing what Daniel Clark is made of, or dealing with the score I’m sure Dirge wants to settle with me, or having another mat clinic with Scott Royal, I have something to look forward to with every possible matchup. Good luck, gentlemen.

“While I’m on the subject of Dirge, let’s talk about the tag tournament. And let’s start with what happened at the return show. Jin, a lot of people including you have come to believe that you’ve got my number. What I said and what I demonstrated is that there is no magical curse preventing my hand from being raised instead of yours. I don’t have to wrestle a headlock-fest to win, and I’m now comfortable wrestling a fast-paced match without resorting to rolling out one big impact move after another. I’ve adapted the way I always adapt, and more often than not the ones who beat me in the past find that they can’t do it again. You’ve joined Seijas, Lawson, Grumann and others on that list.”

He paused before Grumann. He had to mentally stop himself from saying ‘Wallace’.

“So now I’ve got two things to worry about: the Mercury title and the tag titles. I had confidence that Jake and I would work well together, but we did even better than I expected. For all the vaunted history of the Entropy Crusade and EEI, they never tangled with a tandem as totally talented as us two. And since I’ve watched enough tape of Slate and Blake to last me a lifetime, I’ll be spending my leisure time boning up on (air quotes) classic (end air quotes) Dirge and Brimstone versus the Trent Brothers action.”

Herb shudders.

“Boys, you may have size but that’s it. Jake Stephens and I are going to wrestle circles around you. And if you think going after my jimmies will balance things out, well, you should consult with your good friend Picasso on how that worked out for him.”

His tone darkens considerably at that line. He’s not proud of what he did, but he figures it might as well be put to good use.

“And finally we return to the present. To be honest I don’t understand the logic behind this match, but it should certainly be interesting. In Japan, bookers usually make up a 6-man tag such that there are one or two guys clearly weaker than everyone else. There’s a term they used called a ‘loss post’ for such men. I don’t see a loss post here. Five former Mercury champions and another man who can beat anyone at any time, not exactly any glaring weaknesses. What is there to say? How can I break this down?”

Herb shrugs. He starts to speak, then shrugs again when the first shrug fails to bring words to mind.

“For once in my life I can’t. I’ve looked as hard as I can and other than a slight strength versus dexterity difference, there’s no decisive advantage one way or another. Our team has more experience, but it’s not as if Blake or Rod are rookies. I’d say our team is made up of guys who tend to perform better in main events, but it isn’t as though a title or a lot of pride is on the line. Performing better in the clutch is meaningless when it’s not actually the clutch, if that makes any sense. Hell I can’t even say I like my team more, but then that’s the whole point. Dissension in the ranks means lots of sources of conflict, so the one thing I can do is assure my partners that my goal is to win just the same as any other match.”

It’s time for diplomacy, and that’s clearly not an easy thing for Herb to do given who he’s trying to befriend.

“Jin, Dean, we’ve had our differences in the past. Hell they’re still here today. We’re up against three wrestlers who will pick us apart if we let them, and I know that none of us want injuries out of the proverbial gate. Let’s just get through this and hope we never wind up in this situation again.”

There, that wasn’t so bad. Now negotiating with a network won’t seem quite so bad. After all, the worst they can do is say ‘no’ rather than do a backdrop driver on him.