Child fan: Mr Dirge, is Pariah ever coming back to EEI? I remember when EEI had every belt in Mercury, and took a wild piss on Oblivion. That was great.

Dirge: (Dirge’s eyes glint for a moment, and his attention focuses on the child) Why yes, young man of course. He has just lost his way, and after he’s seen that everything else is pure bullshit, he’ll be back. In fact, to honor this rebellious period, I’m renaming him. He’s only a Pariah to the rest of the world, to it structures and organizations. But to EEI he’s the PRODIGAL. Mercury was being eaten alive once, dying of a FEVER that called itself Oblivion. Pariah joined our family, and together we reduced them to vapor, and ironically consigned them to the definition of their name.

Child fan: But why did you make fun of him in your other promo?

Dirge: You ever hide in a bush and throw a snowball at someone? Well Pariah got hit, looked around and took 2 seconds to point and say “Hey!” because he’s sharp as a tack. Even though he’s enjoyed the good life a little too much, he always got buy on natural talent and instinct, which is why he noticed and fired one back immediately. Not like that upside down turtle, Gravity. PRODIGAL is on a redemptive journey, and I’m trying to speed it up past the Rocky montage to the point where he stomps ass again.

Older fan: Yeah, why did you take a shot at Gravity?

Dirge: Because as a heel, his generic, boring ass makes people who tune in and see him on the screen say “That’s it? Doesn’t Mercury have any real opponents for Akujin and Pariah?” and then they change the channel and get addicted to celeb-reality TV. (Dirge pauses for effect, looking at the camera and nodding) He’s likely to kill Mercury even before it starts, his blubbering Ron Jeremy-esque jowls forcing people to look away. And then his asskissing of Miguel Gabriel Rafael de la Hoya-Cardenal, its beyond normal asskissing. Its like he’s trying to French kiss his butthole. No, heels like EEI make people tune in to see what we’ll do next. And if even one person misses out on one of our matches because Gravity is giving their kids nightmares, well, then its personal.

Middle age fan: y’know, I always did change the channel when he was on. Could you give us an impression of him?

Cue Evil Grin

Dirge: (grabs a sandwich from a fan and stuffs it into his mouth to better mimic Grav) Look at me, I’m Grabbity, (Dirge starts acting fat and off balance). I’m so tough I eat nails and shit porcupines, Graaaahhh! Look I put on a fireman’s helmet, so I’mma gonna HOSE YOU….Graaahhhh! Michael, do those legs go all the way up to heaven? GRAAAAAHHH!!!!

Dirge: (composes himself after he and the fans enjoy a good laugh at the never was’s expense) But that’s all side stuff. A preview of the fall lineup. Right now, its all about Blaze F’N McCoy and Scott Royal. Don’t worry, although Brimstone and I are going to run over them like they were a pair of damsels tied to a traintrack by some moustached Beaumont, I’ll tell you this, Blaze is entertaining. I’ve felt his ribs crush under my fist, and I’ve seen blood squirt out the corner of his eye, but when he forgets who he is and gets IN THE GAME, then I can cut loose. I hate Blaze. I honestly don’t like a thing about him. But he bought something from me with that pint of blood. He bought an ounce of respect. Of course he threw it away when he ran to the minors, and probably would never admit respect for me, but that’s not why we’re here.

Young fan: Why are you…

Dirge: You see, (Dirge goes into OLD EEI history for this one) If you GIVE a man a “Fame-asser” you both look like douchebags for a day. But if you TEACH a man to “Fame-ass” he can ….

Vincent the Artiste Picasso runs down the ramp to Dirge, the fans ERUPT with a capital RUPT, but Vincent waves them down, “No, shut up!” He says”

Artiste: Dirge, he DEMOLISHED the tombs, I think he actually had them stolen out of the family mausoleum and re-buried ! He…

Dirge: Who, the Royals? I expect nothing less. Brim and I have exhumed TONS of corpses over the years, it really pisses people off, (chuckles) there was this one time…

Artiste: Dammit, shut up for a second (He’s breathless from the run, but his eyes convey urgency) Its not that…I know that….its WHERE he buried them…..

Dirge: (puzzled as all hell) What the …..

Dirge and Vincent tear-ass for the door, “Show’s over folks, you can watch them on Mercury next week….” Shouts an event coordinator.

A far off shot of a cemetery appears. A tree that apparently died of torture provides Dirge and Vincent with a bit of twisted shade from the orange sun.

Dirge’s eyes seem unfocused, as if he’s looking through the earth. Vincent looks agitated.

Dirge: He’s ….he’s done this before. Not this exactly. He rips open the emotional wounds of his family…its how he keeps that anger. Time heals wounds. (Dirge looks straight at Vincent) Unless you don’t let it.

Artiste: I get that, but you said on the way here you’ve handled this. Why is this different? Why this random cemetery?

Dirge: Before this became a state cemetery, it was a battleground. Apache raiders slaughtered Colorado Utes here. No one would settle here, and the state bought the undesirable land and turned it into this. That tree….(points to the only tree) that tree is where Brimstone performed the ritual of the sun. In the hollow of it…

Dirge reaches into the hollow at the base of the tree, sifts around, and pulls out an old, rusty pocket knife. He snaps it open and shut a few times…vacantly

Dirge: This is the “blade” we used to become blood brothers when I was 11 and in the care of the state. (Dirge shows his palm, and in the fading light an “x” of slightly raised skin is visible).
This place …If he’s opening wounds again, he’s going further than he ever has.

Vincent: Why? He doesn’t need to be “madder” to take out Blaze and Royal. You two have been training with me for a long time now, everything’s automatic. This is just overkill.

Dirge: (snaps shut the pocket knife with an air of finality, and tosses it back into the tree). I don’t know. Let’s use the satellite feed in the car to track his cell phone.
(The two leave)

Dirge’s thoughts: Because of you, Vincent, my brother . Because Harbinger owes us a FUCKING NECK. Because Brimstone is on the warpath .We talked about this before we decided to come back to Mercury. Equivalent Exchange is in effect. Blood for blood, bone for bone. A red trail that leads to a belt, and a man who took that and everything else from Vincent. Sharpen the weapons and make ready. War is coming.

End Transmission
Sound the drums