“It’s no secret that Beaumont and I are on good terms. So when he told me that Mercury was starting up again, I immediately asked him if my next official challenger could be a former champion. So he went down the list.

“Dean, well, I beat him in the last match and he has the tag titles to worry about. Subdued and Gol, nobody can find. Slate, Summers and Grumann are all in the tournament for the new title. The final is at the pay-per-view, but at least one of them won’t be there. I shot that down because I won’t tolerate a guy with a recent loss on his record becoming the number one contender. Then he said a name I wasn’t expecting.”

A dark smirk mars Herb’s face.

“He told me that if I put my foot down on three potential challengers, then he’d put his foot down on Jin Akujin. I was stunned speechless. Jin? The guy who left the company rather than let me have a crack at him? The guy who ended the career of a rising star? The guy who made such a mess of things for most of 2004? He was being let back in? Dave said yes, and he wasn’t in a position to turn away talented wrestlers, but he didn’t want Jin to have the first shot as a lesson to other deserters.

“Well, I said, if I can’t have a former champ as my next challenger, how about I get him in a tag? And what do you know, there it is: Harbinger and Jake Stephens versus Jin Akujin and The Mullet That Walks Like A Man. I knew right then and there that signing up again would be worth the pay cut I took. Brad, hand me the belt.”

A young man climbs onto the apron with something wrapped in a towel. He opens the towel and holds the Mercury title out to its rightful owner, who takes it and slings it over his left shoulder.

“Jin, I know you want this. I’d like nothing more than to put it on the line and beat you the way I should have three years ago. I know you can hit harder, I know you can do a springboard cartwheeling backflip, I know you’ve mastered seventy-nine ways to do a knee strike or drop me on my skull, and I know that you can’t beat me if I don’t let you. I’m through wrestling someone else’s match just to try and prove a point; now the only thing I worry about proving is that the man who holds this championship is the best professional wrestler in the world. You won it before, but you never proved that you were the absolute best.”

He gives the faceplate a light tap and caress. He loves that belt. He has a very firm idea of who has and hasn’t deserved it in the past.

“Now I’m sure my fans are dying for some fire and brimstone. They’re expecting me to talk about busting you open and painting a house with your blood, but that isn’t how it works anymore. I can hurt you more by stretching every joint and tendon and muscle in your body to the breaking point than I ever could with palm strikes and backdrop drivers. You tapped out to Subdued, and you’ll tap out to me, and if you duck me by tagging in Kiyoshi the match will be out even faster. Jake’s got enough skill to duck and dodge the bombs you two will try to throw, and he’s got more than enough ability to hone in on the weaknesses I’ll create. Just ask Blake.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you start off on the wrong foot. Then, once I get past my next challenger, maybe I’ll get my wish and grind you into the mat one-on-one. I’m going to humiliate you, Jin. I’m going to discredit your vision of professional wrestling. I’m going to force you to change the way a simple bludgeoning never could. When you understand just how far behind you’ve fallen in fundamental wrestling ability you won’t have any choice but to adapt. I don’t have much faith that your Cro-Magnon companion can evolve, but maybe, just maybe you can.”

Herb pauses, takes a breath, and seems to lose his place. His eyes flicker a bit. He remembers something.

“I have a feeling that I know who’s expecting a title shot with ex-champs out of the way. I want to make one thing clear: I will defend against whomever I’m booked against. But the man who would be king might find his path to the throne trickier than he thinks, especially when he has to go through Keith Summers on the first show.”

With that parting blow the promo ends. Herb seemed a little uncomfortable delivering it. He’s still holding out hope that someone else gets the next shot.

Anything to avoid a full verbal battle with Tim Hall.